Sunday, January 31, 2010

a little optimism for the day

I've been posting a lot of deep existential thoughts lately. It's time to brighten the mood with some of my favorite things. In the midst of winter, maybe it's time to get back in touch with my favorites. Here goes...
Warm Home-made Apple Pie with Vanilla Icecream
Listening to musicals while dancing around and singing at the top of my lungs :)
Cuddling in with a good book, incense, a hot drink, and a special someone
Laughing and laughing at something so inconsequential which makes it even funnier
Driving a cat crazy with a piece of string or a lazer pointer
Sweating and kicking some a$$ through some form of physical activity, preferably dance
Having a really good conversation with people who really care
Dramatically changing your style or hair cut...taking a chance
Going sledding, mainly the going down the hill part, the climbing back up kind of sucks
Participating in some kind of jam session
Laying in the sun by some form of water
Eating a delicious piece of fruit
Having a really good cry and then continuing on with the day
Creating something beautiful
Making my bed and climbing into warm, clean sheets
These are just a few, I should do this more often.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Lots o' Anger

Anger Abstract Painting by John Biondo

You heard it...I'm angry.

I'm angry I'm angry I'm angry.

For what I can't say because of the public-ness (?) of this blog, BUT I can admit that I am angry!

Maybe this doesn't seem like such a big deal to you. And it probably shouldn't be. But alas, the anger is here, I feel it, and I must work through it. Now I'm not talking about petty anger at the person who just cut me off or getting frustrated because I forgot my book and notebook at home. This is a deep deep anger bordering on hatred. Some may say, wow...that's not very healthy. I say screw that! Anger is a feeling that I feel right now and I can't deny it, I can't throw it under the rug, I can't push it inside, not now, not anymore. Anger is not the problem, the problem is what people often do with their anger - this is what we might call "unhealthy." Here are some quotes on anger that I found while google searching, "quotes anger". I obviously did not include negative quotes about anger...but that's my choice and you can look them up if you want!

Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge. ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

"When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear." ~ Mark Twain

"Anger is only a natural reaction; one of the mind's ways of reacting to things that it perceives to be wrong. While anger can sometimes lead people to do shocking things, it can also be an instinct to show people that something isn't right."

"The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough." ~ Bede Jarrett

"Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy."

Anger as an emotion, is perfectly natural, one should pay attention to that anger, and as my dear friend Jillian on The Biggest Loser states, "Feelings [anger] are your moral compass, we must pay attention to them because they tell us when something is wrong or out of place." It's ok to be angry! But it depends on what you do with your anger.

What do we do with our anger? More on that next time. My experiences don't help much in answering that question, but I have time to think and so do you...

Monday, January 25, 2010


Dear reader,
I apologize for my absence. Second semester and work consumed my life over the last two weeks and unfortunately that took precedence. Unfortunately the excitement of heading back to class tops my list of creative pursuits and exciting activities. Therefore, in an attempt to reconnect, I will write about the illusory and unpredictable topic of feelings.

There was once a period in my life where I felt as dry as a desert. I had not cried for months. I did not often get angry. In fact, I actually prayed that God would make me FEEL more. Perhaps it was God answering back, but the flood gates opened, the storms raged and weekly crying sessions are now commonplace. Some of you may hear this and think wow, that's too often, she needs to see someone. Others may relate. Even others may question the worth of feelings, I mean, all they ever do is give you an irrational perspective on a completely rational situation...

However, I would have to disagree and state that feelings are yes, often very irrational, but feelings allow us to claim ourselves. We gain perspective on who we are and what our priorities may be. We deepen our connections with others. We place a lot on the line, but come out way ahead. There was a time, and I often fight against this tendency still, when I would push away my feelings, feel ashamed to claim them as my own, and internalize just a little more anger or sadness. But recently I've learned to own the anger and face the sadness, feel the hurt and take pride in myself and what I feel.

So I encourage you, if you feel sad or depressed, CRY, and then continue on with your day.

If you are angry, be angry, yell and scream in the car or punch your pillow. Feel ANGRY without hurting others in the process.

If you feel joyful, dance around the house naked to your favorite song, call up someone who will encourage your JOY.
These feelings do not adequately express the range of emotions we as humans feel throughout our days. But you get the picture. We must...I must love myself enough that I treasure, respect and listen to what I feel, even when I don't necessarily want to feel it!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

a few posts on love

I know what you're thinking.
"This is going to be some sappy set of inspirational blog posts that will just make me more upset and depressed with my life..."
Well, this is one time where you can be happy that you are wrong dear reader.

Love is one of the most complicated...things...that is maddeningly and frustratingly difficult to understand, practice, believe in, fill in the blank.

No, I did not get in a fight with my husband. In fact, I'm sitting at home, drinking spiced tea and watching the playoff football game all by myself. However, I've had LOVE, in the broadest sense of the term, on my mind for the last few weeks. Most of my thoughts center on how angry I am with Love.

I recently heard an NPR broadcast stating that Love, while often an incredible emotional state, also allows for a tragic duality of intense feelings of loss and anger. Feeling the high euphoria of Love we take the chance at feeling all that is opposite. This doesn't seem fair, right??

Anyway, I'll probably get back to that at some point but tonight I want to talk about self-love. I don't mean pampering our bodies with massages and bubble baths or buying ourselves new clothes or even getting a makeover. These are all well and good and we definitely deserve them every now and then. I am actually talking about a deep deep Love for ourselves.

I am preaching to the choir, reader, because I can't figure this one out. There are a lot of circumstances that brought me to this difficulty I experience today and I won't be covering those here. But even with the knowledge of these circumstances I still catch myself doing everything BUT LOVING! I get critical. I think about my short-comings. I let this negative undercurrent of pain roll around inside without taking proactive steps to stop the madness. And I see this quality in countless people. Why are so many people over-weight? Why are they angry? Why all this debt? Maybe there's not enough love. So we cover it up. We buy more clothes and eat good food and try to make ourselves feel better without dealing with the ache that is still deep inside. Some of us realize it and some of us don't. Some of us are trying to figure it out and some of us have just given up.

I don't have answers. Maybe you have ideas, thoughts, or inspiration. Write a comment. Shoot me an email. This is by no means meant to be a negative blog post. It's just my reality and I'm guessing yours as well.

Friday, January 1, 2010

i resolve

I've talked to a few people over the last month about New Year's Resolutions. Responses include "I resolve not to do a New Year's Resolutions," "to floss more," "to be more organized," and even "not put sugar in my coffee." All of these resolutions seem so...simple. It's as if we as humans need this renewing of the year, the changing of the seasons, and the reminder of time passing to reset ourselves. I myself look forward for the chance to take another look at my life and make some changes.

So what are these changes?, you may be wondering. I've narrowed the list down and made a few commitments. First, I commit to a regularly update this blog. Although it seems a simple resolution, amazingly I find it hard to write posts without thinking that my posts are inconsequential. Truthfully, they may be inconsequential to you as readers, but the focus and creative energy that updating this blog provides is irreplaceable.

Second, I resolve to write one letter weekly. Communication outside of the here and now has always been difficult for me. I often fail to call others when I should or send a note to someone when that uplifting message is really all they need. Writing a letter a week, I believe, will not only improve relationships, but it will also require me to organize my life in such a way that I make time for writing.

Third and finally, I want to pay more attention to me. When upset, I will examine why I'm feeling sad. When overwhelmed, I will say no. When in need of rest, I will take a nap. When I feel blessed, I will give more. It is when we love ourselves that we can better love others.

Happy New Year to you all and may your resolutions encourage and challenge you as the year progresses!