I know what you're thinking.
"This is going to be some sappy set of inspirational blog posts that will just make me more upset and depressed with my life..."
Well, this is one time where you can be happy that you are wrong dear reader.
Love is one of the most complicated...things...that is maddeningly and frustratingly difficult to understand, practice, believe in, fill in the blank.
No, I did not get in a fight with my husband. In fact, I'm sitting at home, drinking spiced tea and watching the playoff football game all by myself. However, I've had LOVE, in the broadest sense of the term, on my mind for the last few weeks. Most of my thoughts center on how angry I am with Love.
I recently heard an NPR broadcast stating that Love, while often an incredible emotional state, also allows for a tragic duality of intense feelings of loss and anger. Feeling the high euphoria of Love we take the chance at feeling all that is opposite. This doesn't seem fair, right??
Anyway, I'll probably get back to that at some point but tonight I want to talk about self-love. I don't mean pampering our bodies with massages and bubble baths or buying ourselves new clothes or even getting a makeover. These are all well and good and we definitely deserve them every now and then. I am actually talking about a deep deep Love for ourselves.
I am preaching to the choir, reader, because I can't figure this one out. There are a lot of circumstances that brought me to this difficulty I experience today and I won't be covering those here. But even with the knowledge of these circumstances I still catch myself doing everything BUT LOVING! I get critical. I think about my short-comings. I let this negative undercurrent of pain roll around inside without taking proactive steps to stop the madness. And I see this quality in countless people. Why are so many people over-weight? Why are they angry? Why all this debt? Maybe there's not enough love. So we cover it up. We buy more clothes and eat good food and try to make ourselves feel better without dealing with the ache that is still deep inside. Some of us realize it and some of us don't. Some of us are trying to figure it out and some of us have just given up.
I don't have answers. Maybe you have ideas, thoughts, or inspiration. Write a comment. Shoot me an email. This is by no means meant to be a negative blog post. It's just my reality and I'm guessing yours as well.
3 comments:
Amanda, thank you for your honesty and your verve! Its a tricky thing-- self love. In fact, its something I'm reading about in the book you loaned me :) Palmer speaks of self love as the truest form of 'stewardship' which I find comforting and valuable.
Lets chat about this soon, I'd love to hear more developments and share my own thoughts and struggles.
God bless, and keep writing! You have a talent with words...
you are so beautiful and so insightful! thanks for being an inspiration in my life:) love and miss you
First of all. I love NPR.
Second of all, Sarah said what I was thinking. Self love must happen before one can share that love. Women have an especially difficult time with this. From an early age we are told we are not good enough and to put others before ourselves and that life's highest goal is to be in an intimate relationship. That equates to disaster. Without believing that we are worth loving, and love ourselves first, then we can never see all the love that is already present within and around us.
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